Photo Credit — manhhai / Flickr / Saigon, February 9, 1965

Uncle Sam Wants You Poor

But he’ll settle for dead

Remington Write
2 min readSep 23, 2022


Allow me to lift your rock for a quick moment if you hadn’t yet heard this gem from our — ahem — representatives in Washington, D.C.:

“By forgiving such a wide swath of loans for borrowers, you are removing any leverage the Department of Defense maintained as one of the fastest and easiest ways to pay for higher education,”

That’s right, Patriots, unless the military can keep the young people poor and desperate, they’re going to have a much tougher time convincing them that killing people in other countries is a valid career path. In fact, what is keeping this country — and much of the world — lurching forward? The efforts of desperate people to simply feed their kids and sleep indoors every night.

I guess there just aren’t enough bloodthirsty, ‘roid-raging young men eager to get over there and kill, kill, KILL without the bribe of a college education. Who knew?

So, if Joe keeps his nerve and doesn’t shut down the (massively downscaled) student loan forgiveness program, does that mean the United States military is going to have to — oh, I don’t know — pay better? Here’s a radical notion. Let’s stop “intervening” in other people’s business. Let’s also stop stirring up trouble in other countries just to pad the bottom line for weapons manufacturers.

In fact, let’s do that before all the smartest guys in the room manage to start a nuclear war. Hmmmmm?

If the only way to get people to do nasty jobs like going to the other side of the world to kill other people they don’t even know is to bribe them with the possibility of going to college, it’s time to rethink your business plan there, Herkimer.

You’ll excuse me. I have a bomb shelter in Central Park to finish.

© Remington Write 2022. All Rights Reserved.

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