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So I Want to Sleep All the Time
That’s not suicidal ideation or anything. Right?
All uppercase and in neon with sprinkles: I DO NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF. I have no dark seeping despair. I do not have a sense of uselessness or no purpose in my life. In fact, I have a strong sense of purpose and the direction in which to aim that purpose. I have wonderful relationships with my friends and partner. My life is good. I don’t hate my job. Hell, I even get teensy bits of satisfaction from the work I do for twenty hours a week. I also enjoy the privilege of sleeping indoors every night and eating things I like to eat every day.
I got it good.
And yet, there’s this thing that happens as I drift off to sleep, especially during the day when I nap.
Wouldn’t it be so awesome to just not….wake up?
Or around midnight-ish when I can start to anticipate going to bed? And then getting into bed and starting that slow drift down? Heaven.
I recently had that experience on steroids as the anesthesiologist said “You’ll feel a little pinch”. The procedure I went for last week was fairly minor and I wasn’t going to be unconscious for more than half an hour. In fact, if I had had any fortitude the lady doctor could have gotten the necessary sample for biopsy in her office back in June…
